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Do you use your mobile phone to call people, send texts, play games and send money?  That’s great.  Do you have other uses for the mobile?  Well, here is a lesson on creative uses of a mobile phone.  These ten uses will make your mobile into man’s (and woman’s) best friend.  Forget the dog.  There are some things that your dog cannot do for you.

1.  Ignoring someone you know – You are at the mall and you spot someone that you really don’t want to say hi to.  Your ex, for example.  Or that boss who fired you.  You’d like to boast that you got a better job and things are just great.  But it’s not true.  And you know him.  He will certainly ask what you’re up to.  Nothing.  Well, then, use your mobile to ignore him.  Put it at your ear and walk fast past him.  Speak loudly about “work” and “the boss”.  The worst that could happen is your phone starting to ring genuinely.

2.  To avoid face-to-face confrontations – I know, it’s not cool.  But sometimes it’s the only way.  Texting to say something you really don’t want to explain.  Like why you will not attend your best friends bash or you annual family gathering.  You could even text to say, I can’t see you any more.  I know, I know.  Call it lame or thoughtless.  But sometimes you really cannot do it face-to-face.

3.  Engaging someone’s kids – You are babysitting your nephew so that his parents can enjoy their date night.  He’s three years old and usually very cute.  Usually.  Tonight, he’s not cute at all.  It’s ten in the night and he wont sleep.  Can we play hide-and-seek one more time?  NO!!  I mean no, honey.  He’s determined to wait up for his parents and you don’t think you’ll survive another minute.  Your sister clearly said no television for him.  Don’t fret.  Find him a cool game on your cell-phone and he will be out of your way for another hour.  You could even let him watch something on your mobile.  Technically, that’s not TV.  Then you can settle down with a great book for a long while.

4.  Looking busy instead of bored – It always happens when you’re meeting someone in a coffee shop, bar or restaurant.  He’s running late again.  Everyone is sitting coupled and you are just bored.  The glass of orange juice doesn’t help things.  A mobile is a powerful gadget if you have the right model.  You may want to take this moment to finish up the report, watch TV or do something useful.  When he finally appears, 30 minutes late, make it look like he just interrupted something important.

5.   Getting out of a situation – You and the boys are at the Sports Club.  You’re discussing ways of fundraising to buy more land to extend the golf course.  You had this same meeting last year.  You’re happy to listen to ideas but you really don’t want to be given any duties.  The last time they made you meeting chairperson and that meant attending most meetings.  You just want to play golf.  They just don’t get it.

I’ll help you out.  Use a text message to arrange with a very good friend to call you up.  Don’t leave the gathering.  Pick the phone right there.  Speak loudly and enthusiastically…”Hey Ben, whassup man….hahaha”.  Then suddenly turn serious and say…”What?  Again?  How did he get the key? Is he okay?  I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

By this time everyone is staring.  Announce softly that your 14-year old brother just drove your dad’s car into a tree.  This is not the first time he’s done this and you have to go immediately.  Really sorry, guys.  Keep your eyes fixed on the one guy who knows you have no brother.  The sustained eye contact is a message to him not to remind you of that fact and not to burst out laughing.  Most likely, he will look you back in the eyes and say “Sorry, man.”  Then you owe him a couple of drinks.

Remember, this works only on the boys.  Don’t use such a ploy to get away from a bad date.  Women are different.  She will look at you with sorrow and say “Honey, I’m a certified nurse,  I’m coming with you.”

More in tomorrow’s post.

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